So today is Mateo’s first day of (pre) preschool. He’s part of an adorable twice-weekly program for neighborhood kids. It’s fun knowing that he’ll be making new friends, probably the kiddos who will be at his future birthday parties.
Today though was not so fun. Today Mateo was the loudest screamer in the class. :/ He had an hour orientation last week; he cried then too. This morning he was very clingy. But he told me he was going to play with “kids” and “new toys.” :) Unfortunately we had to keep going over the part where I would go and then “come back.” He kept asking “mommy come too.”
Here he is ^^ proudly carrying his lunchbox and backpack before we left. He said bye to all his trucks (always necessary, ha), and we had high hopes, but sigh, complete meltdown at the drop-off. Honestly, this is Mateo. He’s loud, he puts up a good fight. He’s quite whole-hearted in whatever activity he’s up to (whether eating, sleeping, playing, or today crying). He’ll get over it and it’ll be great.
Things are a changin’. Mateo has been in a part-time nanny-share for nine months with his buddy Lawrence. He’s grown up so much being on his own and socializing. But last month Lawrence started his own pre-preschool. Then Auntie moved out to go to school, and today it’s Mateo’s turn to start his own “school”. He is constantly talking about people “going to school” or “going new home.” He’s still trying to figure it all out.
It’s so interesting (and sometimes a little heart-breaking) to watch him try to make sense of all the changes. I didn’t think I would feel this strongly. I am not the type of mom who tries to protect him from the world (overly anyway). I believe that children are incredibly adaptable and we shouldn’t add our baggage and fear to their experience of life. As long as you’re behind them, they figure it out. But it’s hard sometimes. And that’s the thing, isn’t it.
Yesterday we met up with my sister (AKA “auntie”) at a festival. She was with a friend, and just the timing, we only over-lapped 10 minutes. Mateo was so excited to see his auntie. She lived with us for his entire first two years of life (that post) and he misses her. It was so cute watching him try to get her attention and show off. He got so excited and then so, so sad when she had to go. He was pulling my hand and starting to panic because I wasn’t chasing after her. And then he got over it.The thing is, I’m having a hard time getting over it. I don’t mind him being upset because he can’t eat whatever he wants, I don’t care if he doesn’t want to go to sleep, or if he’s jealous of another child’s toys. But it’s hurting me that he can’t have his auntie/big sister and I can’t give him that extra attention and love he’s craving.
I’m so thankful for a dear friend who talked to me before I fell asleep last night. She reminded me that the sooner kids experience disappointment, the easier life will be (and really, said with no cynicism). That learning to love, and learning to miss is a beautiful thing. You know, I believe that. It’s just hard to remember when it’s your baby in front of you.
And that’s just it — life is a never-ending series of changes. One door closes, another opens. This time now — when we really can protect him and give him a safe place to fall–is the best time to learn. I want my boy to be adaptable, trusting, loving, and strong.
Sigh, I wish I was another mother (in the feed of #firstdayofschool) who had a child skipping into class. Nope, that wasn’t my boy this morning. I do know however that he will grow to love his little class. And I know it’ll be great for him.
Oh, it’s interesting and so new to be a mother to a little boy and not a baby.
Please send me (and Mateo) a little love though while we figure this one out.
**If you enjoy this blog, show your love and “like” the post or Hey, share it with someone! Afterall, sharing is caring. ;)